


Your Absence, My Only Winter

by Talvenhenki



Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Agnes really needs a hug, Angst, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26321308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvenhenki/pseuds/Talvenhenki
Summary: Looking for Agnes, Cris enters the holosuite. In addition to Agnes, he finds out why Agnes never talks about her mother.
Relationships: Agnes Jurati/Cristóbal Rios
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Your Absence, My Only Winter

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where the idea came from, but here you go, some Agnes angst for y'all! Maybe one day I'll actually write something cute, who knows?
> 
> TW: references to child abuse

Darkness greeted Cris as he stepped inside the holosuite. He had been looking for Agnes, only to find nothingness where she was supposed to be. Had she accidentally dropped her comm badge and left this bizarre program running? Had something happened to her? Cris found it incredibly difficult to navigate in the space where he couldn’t tell up from down.

Where was Agnes?

“Agnes!” Cris called into the darkness. “Where are you?”

As Cris expected, the darkness didn’t respond. Or did it? Straining his hearing against the vain hope that he would hear the void answer to his calls, Cris’ ears suddenly picked a sound resembling a sniffle. A _child’s_ sniffle.

“Who’s there?” Cris asked. Following the sound, he eventually reached an area, just a few square feet large, where a little girl was sitting and crying.

It was eerie, seeing the girl be the only illuminated thing inside this vast darkness. She was hazy around the edges, quite like a memory, but there was no doubt of who she was.

The crying little girl was Agnes.

Kneeling next to the girl, Cris asked, “what’s the matter, little one? Did you get lost?”

The young Agnes sniffled again and looked up at Cris. Her face was tear-stained, and a little bit snotty, not to mention the angry red bruise on her cheek. “I’m scared”, she said, hiccupping, “I’m so scared. Mommy left me alone at home again. I’m scared!”

“It’s alright”, Cris replied with the most reassuring tone he could conjure up as he placed his hand on the little girl’s shoulder. “You’re safe with me. That bruise on your cheek…what happened?”

“Mommy got mad”, Agnes said and let out a series of panicked sobs, “s…she said that I’m too much like daddy. She says he’s a bad person but…he’s never been bad to me. Is she right? Is daddy really a bad person?”

Cris felt ill. Had Agnes’ mother _hit_ her when Agnes had been a child? Did people actually still do that?

“I don’t know, sweetheart”, Cris whispered, “from what I know, he’s not a bad person.”

“Then why does mommy _say_ he’s bad?” little Agnes wailed helplessly.

Cris didn’t know what to do. He didn’t even _remember_ when he’d last been with a child that small. Uncertainly, he lifted Agnes on his lap, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. She wrapped her little arms tightly around his neck for balance as he stood up, still holding the little girl.

“You’re safe here, Ags”, Cris said, hoping that the real Agnes could hear his words as well. “You don’t have to worry about your parents being bad people here. My friends and I are going to keep you safe, okay?”

The little girl sniffled, and as soon as that happened, the darkness turned into the light of an empty holosuite. Cris looked up and his eyes met Agnes’. She was accompanied by Emil who looked surprised, but there was something else in his eyes, kind of like a tired victory. Had Cris accidentally proved another one of Emil’s points?

“I’ve got to go”, the real Agnes breathed and mechanically walked out of the holosuite. Cris could only follow her with his gaze as she disappeared.

“You’d better go after her”, Emil said, shaking Cris out of his thoughts. “Agnes is going to need you.”

Cris nodded and rushed after Agnes. He got out of the holosuite just in time to see Agnes disappear into his room. _Their_ room. It was a relief to know that Agnes would seek comfort somewhere where she wouldn’t necessarily be alone. Cris wouldn’t have known what to do, had she decided to hide in the room he’d first given her when she and Picard had come aboard.

Entering the room, Cris could immediately see Agnes sitting under his desk, hugging her legs against her chest. Cris sat down next to the desk and gently took Agnes’ hand into his. He didn’t want to rush Agnes into explaining what had happened so instead, he just made sure she knew he was there for her and would stay there as long as she needed him to.

He would never leave her alone, not after finding out something as terrible from her childhood.

“Hey”, he whispered, cupping her cheek, and brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. She leaned into the touch, drawing comfort from it. He felt the slight tremors running up her frame as she tried to fight off the emotions storming inside her.

“Do you need a hug?” Cris asked softly. Agnes looked up at him and then, with no warning, Cris had a lapful of Agnes seeking comfort from his arms. Cris wrapped a quilt around her shoulders and leaned against the wall to keep himself upright.

Brushing Agnes’ hair away from her eyes, Cris asked, “were you having a therapy session with Emil?” When Agnes nodded, he sighed. “I’m sorry I walked in like that. I should have respected your privacy.”

“It’s okay”, Agnes whispered. She was still trembling, but she seemed somehow steadier while being held by Cris. “It may have been a good thing you saw that. I don’t know how I would have explained that to you.”

“By ‘that’, do you mean what your mother did to you when you were a child?”

Agnes nodded. Cris felt rage rise into his chest, almost bursting out as a yell. How could anyone hurt their own child like that? Instead of letting his rage consume him, Cris pulled Agnes closer to his chest, away from the world that would hurt her.

“No one’s going to hurt you like that”, Cris promised, “never again. I’ll make sure of that.”

Agnes squeezed Cris’ arm. “Can you promise me that I won’t hurt anyone?” she asked softly.

Cris frowned. How did that connect to Agnes’ past? Was she afraid that she’d turn into her mother? Or had the mess of a mind-meld somehow made her more violent? Or was it the combination of the memories and the mind-meld that made Agnes afraid of herself?

“I don’t understand, Ags”, Cris said, “why would you hurt anyone?”

Agnes sniffled. “My mom made me say all kinds of horrible things when I was little”, she explained. “I don’t want to end up saying something like that again to someone I care about. I don’t want to end up breaking your heart because I can’t love anyone without hurting them.”

Cris cupped Agnes’ cheeks again. “Hey. You’ve never hurt me, Ags. I don’t understand how you’d hurt me.”

“When I’m scared, I say stupid things to get out of a situation”, Agnes breathed. “You saw how I was as a child. Well”, she hiccupped, “I once told my dad I never wanted to see him again because my mom had told me that she’d send me away if I talked about my dad ever again. I…I haven’t seen him since.”

Cris closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Agnes’. How could Agnes’ mother make Agnes say something like that? How could someone hurt their own child like that? Cris almost wanted to travel back in time to protect Agnes from the horrors she’d experienced.

“It’s not your fault”, Cris whispered, his voice rough. “I’m sure that your father would understand why you did that, if you ever chose to tell him. I haven’t met your father, but something tells me that he would forgive you in an instant.”

Agnes looked up, and suddenly Cris understood why he’d known that the little girl was Agnes on the first glance. Her way of crying hadn’t changed a bit; her face was a teary mess not unlike the little girl’s had been. Cris smiled at her and kissed her forehead. Then he tried to brush most of the tears away from her face.

“How about we get you a nice warm cup of hot chocolate and curl up on a little cuddle pile?” he asked. When Agnes nodded, he said, “good. Let’s get you comfortable on the bed first.”

Cris gathered some pillows and a quilt into a little nest where he helped Agnes settle down. He then replicated her some hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream, which he placed on the nightstand so he could lie down next to Agnes without spilling any of the hot drink.

“We don’t have to talk about it now”, Cris said, “but if you ever want to talk to your dad and want me to be there for you, I’ll gladly do it. And if he gets angry at you – which I’m sure won’t happen, so this is a strong ‘if’ – I’ll defend you because you did nothing wrong as a child. You didn’t know what consequences your words would have.”

Agnes looked up at Cris and nodded. “Thank you”, she whispered.

“Anytime, Ags”, Cris replied. “Anytime.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments spark joy!


End file.
